Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
