you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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