I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
