Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
