i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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