my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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