So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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