She is in my trunk
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
