All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
