I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
