on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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