I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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