two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
