Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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