I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
