yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
