don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
