But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
