and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you had me at cake vodka
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
