I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
