does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
