I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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