Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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