my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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