I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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