Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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