I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
