dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
