I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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