so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
