OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
