as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
