so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
