The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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