then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
