Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
