She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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