Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When did angry sex become our thing?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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