i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize