how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
