i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
