either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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