Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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