Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
