yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
