Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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