sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it's like iHOP with fire
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
