I didn't shave. On purpose
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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