We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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