I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
