??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
