we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
