no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
