What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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