you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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