I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
