i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
