she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
