the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
