So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
