Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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