I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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