i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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