you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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