dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
