five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
