those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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