so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
