so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
