Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
