I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
