You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
