our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
