Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize