It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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