If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
