im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
