I can text with my tongue
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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