i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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