I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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