the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
