I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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