Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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