Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
