This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
