I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
