i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
