Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
