I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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