We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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