My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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