Someone shit on the floor
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
