Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Randomize
