so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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