What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
