I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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