there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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