My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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