Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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