the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
