Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
