You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
