morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
