i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I will be naked everywhere
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
