considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
