Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
