her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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