I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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