Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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