I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
