Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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