I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
