I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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