How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
