and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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