You're completely useless in the revolution.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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