please come you make the beer taste better
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
